What she said

I’m actually surprised how easy it is to get caught in a situation that helps you forget the things you don’t want to think about. Correction: it doesn’t help you forget, it just keeps your mind of it for a while. Not long enough to make you forget, but just long enough to be able to enjoy life again, for an hour or two. I’ve always known I’m easily impressed and therefore an easy ‘victim’ for guys with sleek talks and the right amount of compliments. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does make me vulnerable and I let it happen time and time again. But then I read the following post, written by Oprah, and it made me realize where I go wrong, every single time.

“Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t ‘be friends’. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think ‘it will get better.’ You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behaviour. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look from someone complimentary, not supplementary.

Dating is fun, even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available for him, he takes it for granted. Never move into his mothers’ house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful. Dr. Phil says you should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the first place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts.”

Wow.