Along the way

Don't be afraid to be different: it's not a crime to stand out in the crowd. 

Wisdom doesn't come with age. It's true that as you get older you gain experiences and learn how to deal with certain situations, but it doesn't mean a 50-year old is better in coping with it than a 25-year old. I've heard stories that seem unbelievable, a screenplay of the latest blockbuster, but instead it's the life story of someone my age. It makes me realize my life hasn't been bad at all, though I do like to complain and nag about it, of course, but that says more about me and my drama queen abilities, than the roughness of my youth.

There's been bullying, insecurities and times I thought I'd never make it through the next minute, but these 60 seconds passed anyway and I was still breathing at the end of them. As I'm fully aware of my imagination, level of dramatizing and intention to overreact it makes me realize my memories might've been altered and therefore not always true to reality. It's funny though; looking back and knowing there isn't a single thing I can change about the things that have happened and the things I've done. The only thing I can change is my future, 'cause the power of it is in my hands. Got to love the amazing gifts of life, ay?

Lately I've been thinking about the way I'll feel when I'm 85 (assuming I'll reach that age and still capable of thinking, reading and writing) and looking back on life. My biggest fear is to disappoint myself because of the decisions I've made, especially for things I didn't do because of fear of the thing itself, or fear of the opinion of others about it. I can't help but wonder at what age I'll learn and realize there's nothing wrong with being different, as it only confirms me being the unique person I am. Hmm, sounds like I'm halfway there... will 25 be the magic number after all?

Another point of view

As you  know I'm total freak when it comes to making lists. While I was still at school I kept myself busy by not only updating my agenda, but also those of fellow students. What can I say; I just wanted them to have their homework done on time...

Once done with school I started making lists for pretty much everything. Literally: everything. I’d make lists for grocery shopping; reasons to save money; how to save money; traveling and a bucket list. A list of things I want to do before my time has come. To be quite honest: my list wasn’t that exciting nor original. Nowadays there are sites with all sorts of suggestions while I had to spend hours coming up with things to do. I'll be the first to admit that some were just to fill the page, as if I'd ever do them... Jumping out of an airplane: seriously? Getting a tattoo: are you kiddin' me? Write a book before my 25th birthday: too late now anyway. Recently I've started thinking about the concept of making a list of things you want to do before you die and, knowing me, I'd be so disappointed if I won't be able to cross the whole thing off. How miserable would I feel when I'm filling my last moments on earth with disappointment? That's not really motiving, is it?

So I've decided to turn the concept around. Instead of making a list of things I want to do, I'll keep track of all the things I've already done. ‘Been there; done that’ sort of thing. These are memories no-one can ever take away from me. A fresh wave of positive thinking. Beat that, disappointment!

Memories like traveling to Germany, Belgium, France, Austria, Switzerland, Denmark, Croatia, Bulgaria, Malta, Italy, America (California, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, Florida), United Kingdom and within 2 weeks: Portugal as well. 

And things you should experience once in your life, like horseback riding through Bryce Canyon, indoor skydiving, an airboat ride through the Everglades, snorkeling in the reef of Key West,  holding a snake, getting a Brazilian wax, dye your eyebrows and eyelashes, get caught having sex, learn how to salsa dance, sing in public even though you're out of tune, dance in the streets like nobody's watching, make out with a stranger, learn to appreciate certain types of food, but the most important one: live life to the fullest, because you only live once!

Mars, it's Venus calling...

Sometimes it's better to act as if you're not listening than to join the discussion and immediately say the wrong thing...

Women are from Venus, which is nice because they have a lot of razors there and no men. So why bother shaving if there's no one around to use your freshly shaven, smooth and incredibly sexy legs on? While men are from Mars, which clarifies the expanding bellies and disappearing abs, though a Mars contains fewer calories than a Bounty or a Twix. Can anyone explain me the logics?

In all fairness: it is true. Sometimes it seems like both genders are from a completely different planet. The perception of certain things are totally off, the opinion about life changing events can't be further apart and don't get me started on the on-going discussion on whether dresses are sexier than skinny jeans. (I'm voting for the latter - How 'bout you?) We all know the saying: you can't live with them, but you can't live without them either. It completes life. Makes it a bit more exciting, challenging, hotter (wink wink) and to be honest: saver too. Nothing feels as good as knowing you've got someone who understands you and will be there to protect you if needed. Someone to cuddle up to, who puts an arm around you, keeps you warm and makes you feel like you're his little princess. Excuse me, just got a bit carried away there. Damn that vivid imagination...

Don't get me wrong: I'm one tough cookie, but every now and then I can pretend to be a girly girl just to boost his ego. He's a man after all; they need that boost from time to time. Where I gathered this incredible wisdom you are asking? It's in the 'How to maintain your man' manual, you can order it on at bol.com but delivery may take some time as it needs to be shipped from the fourth planet from the sun...

My life in pictures: July & August

August 10th: Dutch Valley with my friend from work.

Freshly baked apple pie. Smelled so nice!

August 3rd: Canal Parade (Gay Pride) in Amsterdam.

Getting my car cleaned without much effort. Got to love it!

This is what happens when you leave the care of your plants in the hands of a man...

Hereby the proof I used to be a little redhead.

A not so nice kitty

Last week I had a discussion with someone who gave me the impression it was ‘weird’ that I didn’t go to a certain party, because I’m single now and had said I wanted to experience the single life, but went to bed early instead.

I’m normally not easily offended so perhaps it had to do with the summery heat, the lack of sleep for the past few weeks or the appointment I had with the solicitor that afternoon, but I got so defensive it probably scared the heck out of that person. A full frontal blow out, at 00:32 on a sizzling August night. So if you ever want to experience me being (slightly?) upset, this is what you can expect:

The first stab:
Q: Why didn’t you join her?
A: Why should I feel like I had to? It’s OK to say 'no' at times.

The blow out:

Q: Why not going out then?

A: I don’t think being single has to be defined by the amount of parties I go to. Secondly, I told you many times I don’t go out that much anyway, and I’ve been exhausted the past few weeks. Third, I didn’t feel like going out after going to the solicitor and having to break someone’s heart for the tenth time.

That enough reasons? Though I don’t think I have to explain myself for going to bed on time, one of these reasons should be sufficient.

I know it’s not nice of me, and a huge contrast with how I normally am but it was just too much that I had to explain myself for going to bed on time and wanting to take care of myself. And it brought me to another quote:

“Sometimes the easiest way to find salvation, is to seek comfort in the wrong kind of distraction. While in fact the power should come from within yourself, to patch you up and get you back on your feet again.”

Guess we both learned a lesson that night.

The moment when...

+ + +

... you realize your feet get smaller too when you lose weight, and you are struggling to not lose your shoes while walking up the stairs

... you fail to win this battle and your shoe falls down two flights of stairs and you have to walk aaaaall the way down again to go and get it (this happened to me at work, twice!)

... the scale confirms you've lost 15 kg (2st 7.3lb) since March

... you realize it's not that bad to live with your parents again 

... it's hot and sunny outside and you have the afternoon off!

... it all starts to make sense and you feel like you understand which direction you need to go

... someone gives you a huge ego-boost

... your pet makes it pretty clear to you it's time to feed her 

- - - 

... you have to rely on others, who are not as much in a hurry as you are and there's not an awful lot you can do to push them

... it's time to let go

... losing 15 kg (2st 7.3lb) is still not enough

... your body tells you it's in desperate need of vitamines and vegetables 

... your birthday creeps closer, day by day

... you want to go somewhere, anywhere, but you don't know how to go ahead and do it

More than meets the eye

True beauty is the way you look when you find the guts to show another person the inside of your heart. 

I don't believe in love at first sight. No I really don't, because it would mean you fell head over heels for the appearance of someone, rather than for the person he or she actually is. Of course looks are important and it's always nice to have someone at your side to show off and brag about to your friends. But firstly; who or what defines beauty? Secondly; who says your mates will think she's pretty, too? In the end, beauty is just a matter of taste. This is a good thing by the way, because otherwise we’d all be looking the same, and there’s nothing unique about that.

But getting back to the original subject: love at first sight. The reason why I don't buy it, is because at the end of the day, it's the character of the person that you have to live with. If you decide to stay with someone because you think he or she is sooo drop dead gorgeous, will you be able to see through all their (bad, annoying or weird) habits and stay with that person anyway? I think it's time we spend less time validating the outside and a bit more time on the inside of the individual. Just think of what you could be missing out on because you didn't give someone the chance to show you their true beauty. Sometimes you have to look a little bit deeper than that obvious layer of foundation and mascara, spray tan or cheesy lines. What are they trying to cover up anyway? Try to see beyond all that and you may just find exactly what you've been looking for all that time.

Happy hunting. 

Are you kiddin' me?

Sarcasm, some people just don't get it. 

There's one thing I find extremely annoying and that's when I have to explain my jokes because someone doesn't get it. Honestly, it's really not that hard. I'm not that intelligent so my jokes aren't either. Though, not getting sarcasm says more about you then about the quality of my jokes. Didn't I already mention I'm hilarious these days? Yeah, thought so...

sar·casm [sahr-kaz-uhm]
noun
1. Harsh or bitter derision or irony
2. A sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark: a review full of sarcasms

A tongue of which the user speaks of something the complete opposite of what the user means. It often has the best comedic value.

See, it's nothing more than a lousy attempt to be funny. To make it easier and less uncomfortable for us both, next time just smile and nod as if you get it. Smile and nod, yeah; you're going to get far in this world.

What she said

I’m actually surprised how easy it is to get caught in a situation that helps you forget the things you don’t want to think about. Correction: it doesn’t help you forget, it just keeps your mind of it for a while. Not long enough to make you forget, but just long enough to be able to enjoy life again, for an hour or two. I’ve always known I’m easily impressed and therefore an easy ‘victim’ for guys with sleek talks and the right amount of compliments. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does make me vulnerable and I let it happen time and time again. But then I read the following post, written by Oprah, and it made me realize where I go wrong, every single time.

“Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t ‘be friends’. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think ‘it will get better.’ You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behaviour. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look from someone complimentary, not supplementary.

Dating is fun, even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available for him, he takes it for granted. Never move into his mothers’ house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful. Dr. Phil says you should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the first place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts.”

Wow.