On speaking terms

Sometimes the biggest surprises can come in the smallest gestures

It's intriguing how, after not seeing each other on a daily basis for over 2 months, it can be somewhat awkward to spent time together again. I had not seen The Boss in weeks when I went to the house last week to pick up a parcel that he had accepted for me. For him to accept it was a kind gesture on itself but for him to put his ego aside and invite me in (which is really weird, considering I still spent half of my salary on the mortgage etc.) was truly surprising. It was actually nice to be at the house, to have a conversation rather than an argument and get updates on his recent whereabouts. In my case 'out of sight' doesn't mean out of mind, as I still care for him a lot and I prefer seeing him happy.

The way we've grown these past few weeks surprises me. We're much more mature, being able to put our emotions aside and focus on what's our common priority: selling the house. I'm glad we've reached this point, as it might be a positive forecast of how our relationship might transform back in to a solid friendship. I value the memories we've created together and I hope, one day, he will be able to look back on our years together with a smile rather than remorse. To look back on it and laugh about the silly things we’ve done. And as these things include me it’s safe to say we've encountered some weird shit over the years.

Just me (should be enough)

You should never feel the need to apologize for who you are 

Humour is important in any relationship, whether it's with family, friends or a new boyfriend. It's a huge plus when you have a similar sense of humour because nothing is as enjoyable as sharing a good laugh together. I consider myself lucky to be surrounded by people who understand my geeky / cheeky sense of humour, or just have the decency to laugh at anything I say...

But by me having the freedom to be me, I might take that freedom from others because they have a different way of showing (introvert vs. extrovert). That doesn't mean either one of us is right or wrong: it just means we have our own personality, which makes us perfectly unique. But I hate the thought of holding others down and putting them in the darkness, while I am bathing in space and sunshine. I'm currently working on finding a balance and try to dose my enthusiasm or spread it over several audiences (work, family and friends) so they will all have the chance to catch their breath again and relax their faces once I'm gone. Yeah, that's me being considerate, I can do that too: I am soooo multifunctional.

I wish I could say that I've found the confidence within myself to always feel free and be me at any time or with any audience, but I haven't reached that peaceful mind-set yet. Same as I am trying to find balance in giving others the space they need to be themselves, sometimes I need space to pull back and have some time on my own. They won't say it aloud but I sense it's highly appreciated by those around me, to have a break and some quiet time. And I get it, I would be glad too, but somehow my shadow keeps chasing me.

At the end of the rainbow

When it's pouring rain: be your own ray of sunshine

We all know the saying 'it's not over until it's over' and it is over now. The divorce papers have been signed. The final settlement has been made and the only thing that is keeping us connected is the mortgage of the house we bought together. The house that he's been living in for almost three months now, while I still pay half of my salary for it and am living with my parents. Don't get me wrong: I am actually glad that I'm no longer living there, with him and all that, but it sucks that I can't move forward until the house is sold. And let's face it: that's going to be the biggest challenge of the whole break-up.

I'm a relatively positive person so I jumped in to the adventure of selling the house with an upbeat attitude and had high hopes that we'd be selling it within a few months (maybe naive would be a better fit than positive). So far two weeks have passed since we put it online and there has been no reaction whatsoever, at all. That's not very optimistic and far from positive, but I refuse to let it bring me down. What might actually bring me down is the lack of support of others. Or the fact that our neighbours put their house up for sale three days after we did, for 4000 euro less...

I will admit it was one of the most frustrating moments of my life. But I got over it and looked at what I could do to improve our chances of selling and managed to get some support out of The Boss as well. See, miracles do happen; every now and then; once or twice a year; OK practically never but just this once I'd like to think he was being helpful (by not being home so I could access the house and do some redecorating and cleaning...). It might not cause a rainbow yet but at least I'm seeking the rays of sunshine through the dark and heavy clouds that have been colouring our sky a serious shade of grey.

My life in pictures: August & September

On a sunny day in August: happy birthday to me. Put your hands up, yeah!

September 14th: Party!!

Got some crazy friends

Sunset from the airplane 

Jeep safari through the Algarve

16th of August: visiting London 

Recharged and ready

Reality check: when my packed suitcase weighed less than the amount of weight I've lost in the past 6 months... 

A week of relaxation, sunshine, sunbathing, excitement, tours through the country and the best of all: no work. Result: minus 2 kg at the end of it. It was a fun week in Portugal with my friend (the one from work), the weather was great and we'd made an efficient planning:

- Friday / Saturday: Arrived at midnight and find our way around town
- Sunday: Organized bus tour through the Western part of Algarve
- Monday: Relaxing and walked to the old part of Albufeira
- Tuesday: Boat trip to see dolphins and caves
- Wednesday: Relaxing and by local bus to Faro (capitol of Algarve)
- Thursday: Jeep safari and visited the countryside
- Friday: Relaxing at the beach, final chance to get tanned and fly back home

Loved it! It was exactly the right combination of action and relaxation, so we can safely say my battery has been charged a bit again. Unfortunately I am an extremely slow tanner so others probably still consider me relatively pale, but at least I felt tanned today. Yes, only today because the weather in the Netherlands is poor, cold and rainy so I expect my summery look to be washed off within 24 hours - all that hard work for nothing! I'm already planning my next vacation to maintain this look, so how 'bout going south again in October? Who's with me?