More than meets the eye

True beauty is the way you look when you find the guts to show another person the inside of your heart. 

I don't believe in love at first sight. No I really don't, because it would mean you fell head over heels for the appearance of someone, rather than for the person he or she actually is. Of course looks are important and it's always nice to have someone at your side to show off and brag about to your friends. But firstly; who or what defines beauty? Secondly; who says your mates will think she's pretty, too? In the end, beauty is just a matter of taste. This is a good thing by the way, because otherwise we’d all be looking the same, and there’s nothing unique about that.

But getting back to the original subject: love at first sight. The reason why I don't buy it, is because at the end of the day, it's the character of the person that you have to live with. If you decide to stay with someone because you think he or she is sooo drop dead gorgeous, will you be able to see through all their (bad, annoying or weird) habits and stay with that person anyway? I think it's time we spend less time validating the outside and a bit more time on the inside of the individual. Just think of what you could be missing out on because you didn't give someone the chance to show you their true beauty. Sometimes you have to look a little bit deeper than that obvious layer of foundation and mascara, spray tan or cheesy lines. What are they trying to cover up anyway? Try to see beyond all that and you may just find exactly what you've been looking for all that time.

Happy hunting. 

Are you kiddin' me?

Sarcasm, some people just don't get it. 

There's one thing I find extremely annoying and that's when I have to explain my jokes because someone doesn't get it. Honestly, it's really not that hard. I'm not that intelligent so my jokes aren't either. Though, not getting sarcasm says more about you then about the quality of my jokes. Didn't I already mention I'm hilarious these days? Yeah, thought so...

sar·casm [sahr-kaz-uhm]
noun
1. Harsh or bitter derision or irony
2. A sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark: a review full of sarcasms

A tongue of which the user speaks of something the complete opposite of what the user means. It often has the best comedic value.

See, it's nothing more than a lousy attempt to be funny. To make it easier and less uncomfortable for us both, next time just smile and nod as if you get it. Smile and nod, yeah; you're going to get far in this world.

What she said

I’m actually surprised how easy it is to get caught in a situation that helps you forget the things you don’t want to think about. Correction: it doesn’t help you forget, it just keeps your mind of it for a while. Not long enough to make you forget, but just long enough to be able to enjoy life again, for an hour or two. I’ve always known I’m easily impressed and therefore an easy ‘victim’ for guys with sleek talks and the right amount of compliments. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does make me vulnerable and I let it happen time and time again. But then I read the following post, written by Oprah, and it made me realize where I go wrong, every single time.

“Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t ‘be friends’. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think ‘it will get better.’ You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behaviour. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look from someone complimentary, not supplementary.

Dating is fun, even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available for him, he takes it for granted. Never move into his mothers’ house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful. Dr. Phil says you should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the first place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts.”

Wow.

Sink or swim

In the end, all you have to remember is how to swim.

Sometimes life can be overwhelming, confusing and downright painful, but as long as it gets dark at the end of every day and the sun rises again the next morning, nothing they throw at me is too much. Yes, it's a lot to deal with, but one way or the other I'll manage to face it, conquer it and move past it. This doesn't mean it's easy, nor does it mean I'm capable of actually doing it, but I'm good at thinking it through and putting it in writing. We all deal with things our own way and this is mine. I'm sticking with the decisions I've made, whether they are right or wrong (which is a matter of opinion anyway). 

I've decided to swim rather than drown. Drowning isn't fun, though I don't like swimming either. No-one ever told me how exhausting it is to swim for such a long time, and it's getting cold in the deep and dark waters. I'm waiting for that deserted island to pop up in the (not too far) distance, a warm and comfy place where I can sit back, relax and catch my breath again. The one thing I need to beware of is not getting too comfortable on this island, even if it seems to have everything I need in order to survive. Sometimes looks can be deceiving, and when something looks too good to be true; it usually is. Don't want to get thrown in to the water again, there might be sharks out there ... 

The power of simplicity

A lot has happened the past few weeks. I moved out of the house and back in with my parents, which isn't the ideal situation but it's a quick solution to the on-going problem. I wished it could've been solved differently, but for now it will do. This week the bank has given us the document we needed in order to put the house up for sale, so it looks like we're finally making some progress again.

And what else am I to do on a sunny Saturday afternoon other than browsing through (old) photos, and being amazed why I hadn't realized before how big I'd gotten?! I was pretty huge, to say the least. Shocking! Something else what's quite shocking was the emotions I felt while looking at these pictures, and all of a sudden I came up with a quote:

"When memories are fading it doesn't mean they're not worth remembering, it just means I'm making space for new experiences to be stored on my hard drive."

Just this morning I was thinking about wanting to come up with a quote to share with others, but I didn't have any inspiration and my mind was blank. And then the above popped in to my head, which I considered worth sharing. And it says a lot actually because I have an incredible ability to remember, so it's like my hard drive can store 4 terabyte and there's really no need to be forgetting things, but I've decided to move them to the back anyway. There's no use in looking back anymore, though I treasure the memories and the experiences, it's time to make space for new ones. Besides, it motivates me to keep saying 'yes' to invites 'cause what's the fun of an empty hard drive anyway? 

My life in pictures: July

Thanks to my parents our balcony is ready to impress potential buyers. 

Too bad we never put in the effort ourselves to make it look nice, sit down and enjoy it...

During the daily ride on my bike I pass this flowerfield and it just makes me happy.

This little kid reminded me of how I spent a lot of time with my grandmother when I was growing up. She used to drive me and my sister around town on her bike, but it felt save behind her back, trying to wrap my little arms around her. Perhaps I should give her a call...

I'm in doubt whether or not I will get a cat when I've got my own place. She's such a beauty!

Went shopping in Amsterdam with a friend / colleague. Our mission: shoes. 

At the end the only thing I bought was a pair of skinny jeans. Mission failed.

It has started!

The season we've all been waiting for has finally arrived: summer! As far as I'm concerned, this season couldn't start soon enough so I am as happy as can be. Yesterday I woke up rather early to get the things done I normally do on a Saturday, and afterwards got myself comfortable on the balcony: soaking up the sunshine, working on my tan and getting some (well-deserved) rest. What a way to spend a Saturday! I love it!

Fingers crossed it's going to be a lovely, sunny, warm, exciting and long summer: I'm ready!

Above and beyond.

So, the first season of salsa lessons has come to an end. It were ten fun weeks of learning something new, meeting new people and moving out of my comfort zone. Must say: so far, so good. Though I was really nervous during the first introduction class, I felt at ease rather quickly and each lesson it became more fun because I got more confident with the dance and the people. Only at the beginning of the classes I was reminded of the fact that I didn't have a partner, as we all had to make couples and often me and another girl (now a sort of friend, actually) were the last ones standing.

Just because I like it so much and want to learn more on how to become a better dancer, I've already signed up for the next season, starting August 30th. Can't wait! But in order to get through the summer I've also decided to sign up for a course on bachata dancing. To be honest: this is more my cup of tea. How I love to dance real close to my guy... It's already my thing on a regular night out, so why not take some classes and be able to give it a name? Next time a guy is freakin' out (though I can't recall last time this happened) because I'm bumping and grinding, I can say 'don't worry, it's called bachata. Look it up on the Internet.'
Yeah, I got my dirty moves all covered.